Talking with your child about social media — without a lecture

Start with what is good

Social media is part of how young people keep friendships, follow their sport and share their season. If the only time a parent mentions it is to warn or restrict, children learn to keep it to themselves. Paediatric guidance for parents suggests open questions such as: What do you like about these platforms? How do you feel when you’re on them? Have you seen anything concerning? Asking about the good first makes the harder questions easier.

You don’t need to be an expert

Parents often hold back because they do not understand the apps. That same guidance is explicit that you do not need to be an expert on every platform to have a meaningful conversation. Asking your child to give you a tour of an app they use can be a good conversation in itself — and puts them in the position of the expert, which many young people enjoy.

Moments that work

• In the car on the way back from training — side by side, no eye contact required.
• After a match, when something online is already being discussed (a clip, a comment).
• While doing something else together, rather than across a table as a ‘meeting’.
• When you talk about your own phone use first. Children notice what adults do.

If something worrying comes up

The most important message is that they can come to you even if they feel embarrassed or think they did something wrong. Stay calm, thank them for telling you, and ask what they would like to happen before acting. If the issue involves teammates, it may be right to involve the club — ideally after agreeing it with your child.

Different ages, different conversations

A ten-year-old may need clear family rules and help with settings. A sixteen-year-old needs more trust and more discussion about judgement: what to share, what to forward, when to step away. Neither needs constant monitoring as a substitute for conversation.

A question to try this week

‘What’s something that happened online this week that made you laugh?’ Then listen. Sometimes the useful conversations come later, once the door is open.